Friday, April 4, 2008

A Guide to Digital Dressing, by Space Quinn

At right is the image I call Space Quinn, from the 2000 MTV site. It is on a webpage that is still intact (mostly) and won't redirect, located here. The page includes a short essay by Quinn that is reprinted below. Enjoy.

P.S. Quinn's foot is part of another image and will be recovered in time.

P.P.S. Just because Quinn uses the word "Internet" with a lower-case i doesn't mean it is proper to do. This is Quinn, after all. Use a capital I.


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Let's try the internet on for size!
A Guide to Digital Dressing by Quinn Morgendorffer

As Vice President of the Lawndale High Fashion Club, it is my duty to examine the social impact of advances in shopping technology by fully researching the impact of online commerce on teenage buying habits and credit card abuse (at least until Mom and Dad find out).

Shopping on the Internet is very convenient and private, which is a good thing if you are really a size larger than your friends think you are (not me) or are fed up with certain people making comments in the dressing room about your shoulder blades being of uneven elevation, which they are just imagining.

The downside is that you can't try anything on unless you pay for it, so you don't get to see how great you look in outfits that are way out of your price range.

And let's say the delivery comes when you're at home alone and you try on a lavender slip dress with eyelet edging and it gets stuck on your head while you are taking it off and there is no one there to help you and you can't even see to dial the phone for help and you have to wait until your sister comes home and beg her not to take pictures. Not that it ever really happened, no. What sister?

Now if you think charging in cyberspace is cool, just wait until the future! I hear that shopping implants are being invented in some cold country where everyone is blonde, and soon you will just have to think about something to automatically buy it.

At least that's what Daria told me before she went off to spend her dirty hush money on some depressing book.

10 comments:

the nightgoblyn said...

Ok, the essay is certainly giggle worthy. But . . . Quinn, Quinn, Quinn! She should know better than to wear yellow with her complexion. Very pale people look horrid in yellow, not to mention the fact that it clashes with her hair!

The Angst Guy said...

That shirt is more of a spring green than a yellow. It goes well with her hair. At least, I think so.

Anonymous said...

Yech! That's not yellow, or spring green. It's somewhere between split pea green and baby poop. And it's clearly a fashion don't, particularly when combined with the lavender in the headset thingy and the shoes.

Ewwwww!

The Angst Guy said...

Oh, right, like you know anything at all about fashion.

Anonymous said...

You're just mad because her shirt is the same color as the background on your little avatar picture thingy, although yours does edge closer to split pea. Otherwise you would never question my fashion sense.

The Angst Guy said...

The shirt is spring green because it is exactly the same color as those little bud thingies that are all over the trees right now and it isn't yellow because it's green and that isn't the same color as on my avatar thingie because that color has a little more green in it, and you have the fashion sense of Homer Simpson.

Anonymous said...

The final authority on spring green is Crayola, and if you check your box, I'm sure you'll find that spring green is much more yellow than Quinn's shirt, and there are no bud thingies on the trees yet, and why would that matter anyway, and you have the fashion sense of a monkey, and not a cute monkey, one of those weird looking monkeys.

The Angst Guy said...

I'll have you know that I happen to like monkeys, and what's more, here is a picture on the Internet that shows what Spring Green looks like, and it is the color of Quinn's shirt, and I take back what I said about you having the fashion sense of Homer Simpson because at least he can dress himself.

http://silviahartmann.com/background-tile-art/images/soft-spring-green-watercolor.jpg

Anonymous said...

No! No! No! That's fluorecent green! Or maybe chartreuse, but definitely not spring green. And I might have known you'd like monkeys. They pick lice off each other and eat them. That's sooooooo gross!

Raven Nightshade said...

That, ladies and gents, is chartreuse, which is actually a really good color for redheads.

Now if you want to talk about bad color choices, the pink shirts she always wore were a big no-no.