Not Exactly June Cleaver, Is She?

Today is Housewife's Day! I'm having a really hard time picturing Helen embracing this role, but maybe that's just because it would be really hard to hear her cell phone over the sound of the vacuum cleaner.

This is also National Sandwich Day, so grab your favorite BLT or PBJ and have yourself a snack. If you found the sandwich in the Tank, however, it would be best to leave it alone. Especially if you found it by sitting on it. Ewwww.

Fanfic Update!

• The Author as a Lesbian, Season 3, by DeacBlue (parts 4 - 8): "Daria looked down, and muttered, 'My story sucks.' Helen pursed her lips. 'Well, honey, I'm sure if you just give it another day or two...' 'You don't understand. I really only have about a week left to do this, and I accepted the job of organizing the dance in two weeks, so I need this done in a day or two. And I've been writing, it's just that everything that I write has been done before, or is just crap.' Daria sighed. 'I wanted to write something meaningful. I can't write anything at all.'" (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8)


• Be Careful What You Wish For (SFMB), by Doggieboy (prologue and part 1): "Nothing tried, nothing gained, she thought, then said, 'There’s no backing out now. You can do this, Scarlett.' She turned right at the corner of Charles and Eighth, and saw her destination. He was outside, his back to her, and squatted beside the sidewalk near the front door of his apartment." (PPMB)


• The Beginning of our History , by ST91 (part 6): "'You kissed him' the little girl giggled 'No Liz, I hugged him ...... and after that I kissed him' Jane said while blushing 'Look at you; you’re as red as your lipstick.' Liz said as she rolled on the floor by the laughter"


• The Fashion Club Situation (Iron Chef: Resevoir Dars), by JPAGC (part 1): "'Don’t "Now Quinn" me, do you hear!?' She sighed and continued in a calmer tone: 'Listen, the Fashion club should get here at...' she consulted her watch '...an hour and a half. So, I suggest you call whoever you have to call, do whatever you need to do, and then get out of my house with your...' she shivered again '...dead things.'"


• Five Minutes to Midnight - 11:56, by untra (parts 3 - 6): "'Daria, I've been thinking about what you said earlier today. When we changed seats.' 'About you killing small animals as a lawyer?' 'Hear me out and I'll pretend you never said that or brought it back up in the first place,' She hissed in frustration. I nodded in understanding. 'Daria, it's what you said about your peripheral vision. I want to know, what do you think about trying out contacts?'" (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)


• God Save The Esteem ep36: Occupational Hazard, by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "The loan officer took a single look and then kept looking. 'Ms Morgendorffer, I... I understand you’re looking to start a new business?' 'Yes. Hey you fascist bully-boy bastard, give me a loan.' Daria took out a CD player and started up Holst’s Mars. Then leant forward. 'I brought pie charts.' I think I gave up before I started." (Part 5)


• In My World, by 45Ranger (part 7): "As they walked the last bit to Jane’s house a decrepit black and rusted van drove by going the other direction and honked as it passed them, Jane waving in reply. Daria watched the van then turned back to Jane with a questioning look in her eyes. Jane saw this and knew what shorter teen was about to ask. 'That was the band. I didn’t see Trent with them so they either just got done with practice or cleaning out the refrigerator. They better have left something, getting my brother to go to the store is a pain. Let’s go see which it was then.'"


• Is It Halloween Yet?, by peapotmaster (part 2 and 3): "Daria’s sister, Quinn, entered her older sister’s room as she began looking for something. She knew that her sister was weird, but not this weird. As she continued to look around, she could feel a cold chill on her neck, as she turned around to see the ghost of Mari Ravencroft sitting on Daria’s bed. 'What the hell are you doing in Daria’s room?' The ghost asked Quinn. 'You know Daria doesn’t like you in her room unannounced.'" (Part 3)


• Lawndale and Sandi Griffin’s Genie (Chapter 5), by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "'Report, Quinn, over.' 'Mrs. Griffin is in the library,' Quinn said. 'Why are you telling me that?' Elias asked in wonder. 'She might ask about Sandi, and you know how I react under pressure!' Quinn said."


• Lawndale State, by Roentgen (unfinished): "'No, Daria, we need you to go somewhere, some college that no one has ever heard of. That no one gives a rat's ass about, that's such a low-profile, fourth-tier failure that they'd never believe that you'd go there. And I'd go under an assumed name, just to be safe.' 'O...kay. But what kind of sack of crap school are you thinking of?'"



• Night of The Living Esteemsters, by DIsaac (part 1): "JANE: I will come up with your costume this year. MACK: SEXY FIREFIGHTER! DARIA: I swear to god, Michael Jordan Mackenzie, If you don't stop put sexy in front of every occupation I will kick your ass - Texas style! MACK: EEP!"


• Purity Test (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Last Friday Night!), by Smijey (COMPLETE!): "Once at the center of the crowd, Daria and Jane saw what the student body had been fawning over, and both of them (even Daria) were a little impressed. For at the center of the crowd stood a majestic unicorn, ivory white from the tip of its horn to its tail, and even its hooves."


• Quinn's Code 04: Geekery at the Mega-Mall, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 5): "Quinn, Xavier, Wolfgang and Koichi left Cuter Computer, with the three boys carrying most of the hardware. 'Great! Why did I have to pay nearly a hundred dollars for a share of Quinn's stuff?' Xavier wondered. He saw that the three of them had paid for just over half of the price of the computer equipment. 'I hope she pays it back...'"


• Rude Awakening Ep.9: Join The Club, by DIsaac (part 7): "TIFFANY: Issss tttthhhheeee coooooasssssssttttt cleaaaaaarrrrrrrrr? STACY: If you shut the door, you will be. (TIFFANY shuts the door quickly) TIFFANY: Good thing! That voice is murder to my vocal cords. I've been noticing Quinn isn't acting like her happy care-free self, What's up?"


• 'Til You Drop (IC: What would Lawndale be like if...), by RX-87 (COMPLETE!): "The bombings weren't the sad result of a beautiful new era gone wrong. They were the result of the same impulse that had created the colonies in the first place. Simple animal bloodlust and the desire for dominance. All those rockets were nothing more than giant phalluses, penetrating the heavens. It was a good essay, she thought. Full of the bitterness and cynicism she was known for. Shame nobody would ever get to read it."


• Unnamed story (Iron Chef: Resevoir Dars), by Arena del Sur (COMPLETE!): "Jane: Right now it's a matter of business. With the exception of Daria and myself, whom you already know, we're going to be using aliases on this job. Under no circumstances do I want any one of you to relate to each other by your Christian names. And I don't want any talk about yourself personally. All I want you guys to talk about –if you have to– is what you're going to do. That should do it. Here are your names... QB, Jimmy, Don Guano, Quinnie O, Bro, and Mack Daddy."


• Unnamed story (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Crossovers), by Wraith: "Pinkie ignored everything going on above her, and flipped back to her feet. Rearing up, she managed to snake one of her forelegs around Charles' waist. Looking at Twilight, she said, 'He's good! Can we keep him? Huh? Huh? Can we keep him?'"


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Last Friday Night!), by Greystar (COMPLETE!): "'So, didja hear what happened to Sandi this weekend?' Stacy asked after she took a swig from her hip flask. 'No, what?' Tiffany asked back from around a mouthful of her pulled pork sandwich with extra sauce. 'She got busted again.'"