We have here, courtesy of amateur photographer Charles Ruttheimer III, the only known picture of Oakwood High School quarterback Sam Stack. Don't be distracted by the extra-bouncy squeak toy sitting next to him. Look closely at young Mr. Stack.Take careful note of the face, particularly the goofy grin. Does he remind you of anyone? Perhaps someone who is also dopey yet athletic? Someone like the Lawndale quarterback? Someone (for those of you having trouble keeping up) like Kevin Thompson?
What are the odds of two rival high schools having virtually identical quarterbacks who both attract the same blond cheerleader? Clearly this is evidence that Ms. Li has been selling Kevin's DNA to rival high schools so that they can grow their own IQ-impaired quarterbacks. Oh, the unspeakable horror of it all.
But that's not the end of this investigation! Look even more closely at that photograph. Kevin's face isn't the only familiar aspect of this young man. Where would he have gotten that lighter shade of hair? And that odd hairstyle? Could it be?
Yes! We have solved the mystery. For reasons unknown to us (and probably to herself, as well), Ms. Li has mixed Kevin's DNA with O'Neill's to achieve a hybrid so frightening I don't even want to think about it.
And on that note, I end. Pleasant dreams!
8 comments:
Maybe she also mixed the DNA with that glow-in-the-dark jellyfish or whatever so that Sam Stack glows green.
Or part of him does.
So does the Kevin/O'Neill hybrid clone get a Mack/Barch hybrid clone to keep him in check?
Think about it. Kevin's football skills and relative good looks combined with O'Neill's sensitivity toward...everything.
My God, he'd be a modern day warrior-poet.
Kevin's football skills and relative good looks combined with O'Neill's sensitivity toward...everything.
But what if the hybrid got O'Neill's football skills and Kevin's sensitivity?
Oh, God. I think I just throw up a little in my mouth.
I think I just throw up a little in my mouth.
You meant "throwed."
Glad to help!
You meant "throwed."
No, "thawed." But thanks! :D
Come on, Sam stack is obviously the love child of Mr. O'Neill and Charlene Thompson's twin sister.
Come on, Sam stack is obviously the love child of Mr. O'Neill and Charlene Thompson's twin sister.
Then why does he look more like Doug Thompson? Oh, wait, I don't want to know the answer to that...
Sam is the love child of Mr. O'Neill and Doug Thompson. There, I said it.
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