"If I don't come back, remember to take the plastic lid off the lasagna if you cook it in a conventional oven."

Depending on which source you follow, either today is or yesterday was National Lasagna Day! I suppose that for the Morgendorffers, every day is National Lasagna Day, but the rest of us can/did celebrate with a delicious slice of (hopefully non-frozen) lasagna.

Of course, according to the 1998 "Daria Day" Marathon, what the Morgendorffers almost constantly have for dinner isn't actually lasagna. "Those are actually concentrated protein and starch nutrition squares. You see, as two dimensional cartoon characters, we have very fragile digestive systems and need to take nourishment in this manner."

So enjoy your concentrated protein and starch nutrition squares as well as this fanfic update!

• As in French (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Last Friday Night!), by thatLONERchick (COMPLETE!): "Daria was silent for a moment, then smiled saucily and took a step forward. Jane blinked in astonishment as Daria swung her hips seductively, catching and keeping Tommy's attention with no visual effort. 'I know a party we could go to,' she crooned, wetting her lips with the tip of her pink tongue. Tommy mimicked her action unconsciously. 'Right. Now.'"


• Boxing Ms. Morgendorffer, by Chris Tucker (part 8): "'...Jane, it's like nothing I've ever experienced. I made something solid, real. Something that has the potential to be around decades, centuries, after I die. I think I understand why you paint and sculpt, why you get so much more out of creation than I do with writing. That... that physical act of creating something tangible.'"


• Connections (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Last Friday Night!), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'All right. Make me laugh.' 'I wouldn’t waste jokes on you, Daria. The bird out on the statue has a better sense of humor.' The accusing eyes from across the rook locked on Tom, and he idly wondered why a ‘missile warning’ sound hadn’t just kicked on in the back of his thoughts. "


• Daria, or the Confession of a Single Lonely Male, by Arena del Sur: "One Monday forenoon, in December I think, Ms. Li asked me to come over for a talk. I was particularly in blue, thinking of the menacing presence of Trent. I was in my study, looking at the snowfall, the first time in my life I saw snow, knowing that at the same moment, far away in the South, a tender and vigorous sun was rising over Don Orione. Da's last report had been good, I knew. But instead of contenting myself with the reality, I imagined all sort of horrors and had to fortify myself with a pint of mimosa before I could face the interview. Slowly, all Adam's apple and heart, I went up to the guillotine."


• God Save The Esteem 33: A Headbutt of Dollars, by Charles RB (part 2): "'If he stays in jail too long, he’ll force them to put him on trial.' Daria sighed. 'I’ll be right there. And make sure he doesn’t use his one phone call.' There was a suspicious silence. 'He’s used it, hasn’t he.' The lounge window shattered as Quinn and Death Rowe came through it (Quinn had misplaced her keys). 'YOU GET THE BOTTLES, I’LL GET THE CAR KEYS-'"


• Homeless Daria Episode 3: A College Try Gives Me Blisters, by RX-87 (part 14): "'Yeah, it...' Daria couldn't keep her walls up any longer. Impulsively, she grabbed Jane and hugged her tightly. 'Dammit, Jane. I was so fucking scared. I thought for a minute you were...' her voice broke a little, but she never quite sobbed. She did, however, leave a few tears of joy on her dear friend's top, despite herself. Jane hugged Daria back, speaking gently into her ear."


• Never Been Born (Iron Chef: Mr. O'Neil gets fired), by The Angst Guy (COMPLETE!): "The cheery man with the salmon shirt was taken aback for but a moment. 'Yes,' he said with a vague gesture at the student. 'Um... you.' Daria heard the nerd behind her come to his feet, desk squeaking. Five. Four. 'Is that if we'd never been born,' said the nerd in that awful voice, 'or if we died suddenly and unexpectedly?'"


• Rude Awakening Ep. 7: Don't Sign Me Up!, by DIsaac (part 7): "SANDI ( Looking shelled shocked): Those little bastards - they just kept coming. They are pure evil with their beady little eyes just looking at you. DANI (Equally shell-shocked): Sandi, you are so right and I take back my 'squirrels are evil' statement. Kids are Evil! Pure unadulterated evil I tell you! STACY (Just smiling at them): I thought those kids were awesome."


• Snow White (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Last Friday Night!), by untra (COMPLETE!): "It was a terribly gross bathroom. Graffiti covered the walls, the stalls stank of urine and on the floor was a used tampon, laying haphazardly against the trashcan it was aimed at. But that's not what caught Daria's attention. Rather, it was the black haired girl standing over the sink. From the looks of it, black was not her natural color, because what looked and smelled like glossy shoe polish expressed itself from her hair."


• Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Last Friday Night!), by Vukodlak (COMPLETE!): "Daria and Jane lounged about her living room. Daria laid on the couch rubbed her rumbling stomach waiting for Tom to arrive home with the pizza. 'Daria' Jane said softly, 'I have a confession it involves Tom'. Daria bolted up into sitting position. 'These have never gone well...' She let out a long sigh a jab in her stomach reminding her again about food. 'Might as well get it over with.'"


• Why Do Jane Hates Bananas? (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Last Friday Night!), by DIsaac (COMPLETE!): "DARIA: Reason I'm even mention this. So Lane - the floor is yours. Why do you hates bananas? JANE: This goes back to Tommy Sherman."