This Spaceship is Reeeeeeally Shiny

Tiffany is about to celebrate Extraterrestrial Abductions Day by kidnapping us all and taking her to her home planet so she can ask us repeatedly if things make her look fat. Kind of makes the horror of probing pale in comparison, doesn't it?

Come to think of it, it actually makes more sense than it should that Tiffany could be an alien. Honestly, I'm surprised there aren't any (or at least many) fanfics exploring that possibility. Perhaps she was the one those agents in "The Lawndale File" were really looking for!

Fandom News!

• Share your examples of dumb behavior in a new The Stupid It Burns thread.


• Tell us about a trivial thing that caused a disproportionate emotional response in you.


• Is it time for a woman on America's paper currency? Give your thoughts and suggestions.


• Do you think Amy is an overrated character? Tell everyone what you think.


• tafka posted a new Iron Chef in Creative Writing: Iron Chef.


• groverman62 has a question about John Berry in the Golden Oldies forum.

Out of the Box

Lots of stuff going on today in Daria history. Nine years ago today, the last Daria episode aired on MTV: "Boxing Daria." We got to look at her early life in Highland when she didn't get along with others, and ended with her a senior in high school, only marginally getting along with others.

Seven years from this day, one of Daria's daughters gives birth. In which fanfic does this occur?

Eleven years ago today, the last names of Stacy Rowe and Tiffany Blum-Deckler were revealed on the MTV website. A banner day indeed.

Fandum N0OoZ!

• Lord Akiyama has drawn Daria as she might have looked if he had taken MTV's loose guidelines and run with it. Amazing.
• NEW! We also have Angel Quinn from MDetector5 on the new art channel. Thank you!

More to come, for sure. And here it is.

PPMB

• Daria/Dorian, by LadieT (continued): After breakfast, Dorian helped Jake decorate the outside of the house. Jane jogged by and froze in place. Dorian was covered in Christmas lights that had fallen out of Jake's hands. Jane's laughter caused Quinn to go outside. She joined Jane on the sidewalk. "And me without my camera." Jane wiped a tear from her eye.
• Finn Morgendorffer 50: Matters of State, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 9): “I should get going.” Daria remarked. “And you should probably get dressed.” “Hm.” Trent looked down at his barely clad body. “Well, Monique is coming over, so I think I’m good.” “Now I really need to leave.”
• The Hallowed Halls of Fielding, by Roentgen (Part 39): In ten minutes, Quinn would enter her English I class and Goodlett would be waiting for her. This was it. The big showdown. Goodlett was planning to assassinate her. Unless I kill him first. Really, he's made it clear that I'm going to flunk. I guess he was hoping that I wouldn't show up, or transfer out, or beg for mercy or something. But I'm more than willing to waste his time if that's the case. She only hoped that her plan would work.
• Judith Strikes! Cat Scratch Fever, by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): While Judith amused herself by going to Lawndale, Maryland (and ordering a meal from the Good Time Chinese restaurant, knowing that her presence near the trans-dimensional portal in the back would ring a lot of alarms, as this reality was watched over carefully) – her cloak silently moved across the darkened yard of the Morgendorffer-Fulton home in Williamstown, Virginia. It had been given a mission of its own to fulfill this night.
• Sleepwalker, by Jim North (Part 2): High-strung history teacher Anthony DeMartino's eye bulged and his nostrils flared as he crossed his arms and surveyed the mass of teenage humanity spread out before him. Though Lawndale was not by any means a particularly large or densely populated school district, he found that trying to help herd everyone grades 9 through 12 who had managed to get their permission slips signed looked as if it was going to be just as arduous and impossible as he had been fearing over the past seven days.
• Undefeated, by LadieT (previously published on FF.net)
• NEWER! The Vision of the Burning Cities, by jtranser (COMPLETE!): The little group of hobos were holding an emergency evening service in the former dime store on High Street. As each member entered, a libation of Cisco Red was poured on the concrete sidewalk and the words "Absit Omen" were uttered. Prayers were spoken, written, crumpled and burned. Their leader, Erica Flamen, bundled up in her green "Members Only" jacket, kept dancing on the checkout counter as they clapped and droned their drug-fueled invocation...
  

Because It Was There

Fifty-seven years ago, Mount Everest was successfully scaled by a two-man team, Edmund Hilary and Tenzing Norgay. Tiffany does the alter-ego honors for this day. (As always, thanks to Pinhead and UU for the image!) When asked why he climbed Everest, Hilary is said to have replied, "Because it was there."

This day is also a holiday that no longer exists: Oak Apple Day. You are not required to celebrate it, but if you do, it doesn't count.

PPMB

• The Hallowed Halls of Fielding, by Roentgen (Part 31): Daria opened the paper: 87. God. Damn. It. Daria's deadpan curved into a frown. It was another goddamned B-plus, and barely a B-plus at that. Dammit, what the hell do you want from us on these things?
• John Lane 46: Substitute Plans, by RLobinske (Part 3): Jodie stood at the blackboard and said, "Otherwise, consider me the same as Mr. DeMartino… without the eye problem." Kevin Thompson said, "Cool. Does that mean we can call you Mrs. DeMartino?"
  

Begorra! The Saints' Days of Holiday Island Preserve Us!

It's Saint Patrick's Day once again, time to drink green liquids and party party party and pretend you're Irish and all that traditional stuff. We have the Holiday Island leprechaun-type St. Patrick here, and the Tiffany alter ego-type St. Patrick, so do it to it.

These two costumes, by the way, would be extremely easy to duplicate for those fans whacked out just enough to do it.

"College Bored" (season one, 13 years ago), "Daria Dance Party" (season three, 11 years ago), and "Murder, She Snored" (season four, 10 years ago) all premiered on this date. Another three good reasons to celebrate the date!

NEW! N0O0Z

• I'm seeing reports that the first two season of Daria are also available at iTunes.

PPMB

• Finn Morgendorffer 37: Mature Relationships, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 5): “There’s this... squirrel!” Jake ranted. “Knocking over my trashcans, digging near my shrubs!” “Yeah, squirrels are pretty aggravating,” Tom agreed. “Tom, don’t encourage him,” Daria remarked. “I’ve been trying to catch him, but dammit, the squirrel grabs the acorns and the stupid trap doesn’t close!” “Ummm... have you tried something sticky?” Stacy asked. “I know they like peanut butter, maybe that’ll get it caught.”
• NEW! General Semantics, Private Angst, by Gwrtheyrn (Part 19): Daria first ran to Nastasya Mackenzie. She pressed a quick thumb into her carotid artery, but could detect no beat there; there was not another moment to be lost on anything more. She had to disarm all the guards, before anything else.
• NEW! The Hallowed Halls of Fielding, by Roentgen (Part 16b): "Why do they call Clarissa van Maar 'Tony'?" asked Quinn. "A lot of it's kind of weird," said Jill. "But I can show you. Tony!" "Hello, Jill," Clarissa said. "How are things, Tony?" "Things are [i]grrr[/i]eat."
  
• Shining Star: Temporal Conundrum, by RLobinske (Part 2): While his team fitted charges around the six Architects Gates in the room, Ian Llwyd held off a group of trans-dimensional pirates who had been using the distribution node as their base of operations to loot and steal across the multiverse. His number two called, "Ready, Ian!" In a Cornwall accent, Ian said, "Fall back to the rally point and prepare to leave!" Keeping up a steady stream of covering fire with his modified Sterling submachine gun, he backed to the rally point while also keeping a wary eye on the explosives.
• NEW! Unnamed story (Scenes no Daria fanfic should have: Ouch Time), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): The crowd of over 300,000 screaming fans cheered as Tom Sloane picked up his guitar and stepped to the front of the stage for the final song of the night.
  

"Does red, white, and blue make me look fat?"

In addition to being New Year's Day, this is also the 258th birthday anniversary of colonial-era seamstress Betsy Ross, often credited (at least in legend) with sewing the first official United States flag (seen at right).

A short but intriguing essay on the origins of January 1st as New Year's Day appears here on Wikipedia. Hard to believe there were so many other days in the past when the new year started.

Richard "The Great" Lobinske has completed the annual compilation of Daria Visual Fanworks, all the great art at which we marvel through the year. An epic achievement, three years in a row! Thank you, Richard, and a big THANK YOU to the artists!

The 2009 Daria Fanfiction listing has also been completed. A banner year for great storytelling, let me tell you. The Booties will be hard-fought this year.

The Ghost Ship That Never Dies

Daria's Mystery Spotlight: One hundred forty-two years ago, the Mary Celeste was discovered adrift in the Atlantic, just before it ran aground off Nova Scotia. Why was the ship abandoned? Where did the crew and passengers go? Were aliens or supernatural forces responsible? How can this be used in a Daria fanfic? Will such questions never cease?

Oops! Ranger Thorne has already used the Mary Celeste in an SF fanfic. You could do another one, though.

Greystar has a "New/Old Theory on Tiffany," one worth thinking about.

PPMB

• 10 Things, by Vlora (COMPLETE!): Daria stared at Jane, concerned for the other’s mental state. "Are you comparing me, a living, breathing entity to a 2D character from a crappy teen movie? One where the alternative girl gets the guy and has a big hissy fit for no reason over morality?"
• The Dream of the White Darkness, by jtranser (COMPLETE!): The film badge attached to the neck of her hospital gown was steadily darkening, and Daria knew that her remaining time was measured in minutes. She could hear the crunching grind of the wheels of the flat dolly which carried her lead casket. It seemed so long ago that she and her co-workers were finishing up their experiments with a new method of plutonium purification.
  
• The Ephemeral Ties that Bind, by Thecoffeeguru (Part 1): Daria watched Quinn get out of the car and quickly join a crowd of students. She seemed to click instantly with a group of girls and had boys fawning over her. Hearing what her father had just said, Daria once again mumbled under her breath, “I’ll try to help her through this difficult period of adjustment.” Holding tight to her backpack, she slid out of the car and walked through the crowd of students. Jake watched his only daughter as she faded into the mix of high schoolers, a worried look on his face.
• Finn Morgendorffer 18: Dance Fever, by HolyGrail2007 (Part 3): It actually felt weird to come to school on Monday for Finn. The people he encountered did not treat him any differently. Jamie, Joey, and Jeffy talked about the rather successful game last week. Mack stopped by and chatted at lunch. Multiple girls talked with Finn and asked him about the upcoming dance this weekend. Some asked him on a date, others asked him for a dance. And yet still more asked him for his measurements, perhaps for an appropriate gift. After all, Finn had not announced who he would accompany to the dance. It was still anyone’s game.
• Quinn's Out of Our World, by OverlordMikey (Part 1): Quinn took a deep breath before speaking at a very quick pace. "Remember when I was small, like six or seven and you told me that I was left on the doorstep?" Daria thought about this, she recalled something about gypsies. "Vaguely, why?"
• Rainbow Disconnection, by Disco316 (Part 7): Quinn slid the tuner to other stations. “Yeah, they call me a redneck, but you know that’s a beaut…” Static. “Let the blind lead the blind. ALL YOUR STUPID…” Static. “Beware! Coming for you, it’s the remix!” Static. “I cain’t wait to be alone with my baby tonight.” Static. “Bow wow wow, yippee-yo yippee-ay! Arriva la Raza all day, every day!” Click.
• Wings, by MidnightStorm (Part 2): "'Scuse me, ma'am, but when do you reckon the next time Ms. Angela will be done here? I scheduled an important meeting with her, at oh, say—" He turned his head and glanced at the school's clock "—oh, say, ten-thir-tay."

Daria's Role Model

Two fandom related events happened ten years ago today. Kara Wild posted a critical essay on one of the Daria fandom icons: "Amy: Savior or Chimera?" And Daniel Suni sent his very first fanfic to Outpost Daria: "End Weekend, End." In addition, Tiffany & Co. (for whom Tiffany Blum-Deckler was probably named) was founded in NYC 172 years ago.

A very weird and potentially useful fanfic plot idea was brought up by Malakite on PPMB. Won't spoil it here, but it might involve time travel....

And I discovered a fan movie for Daria made by the immortal S.C., and perhaps you might like to see it and share the awe. And turn up the volume.

PPMB

• Basic Training: A Daria the Green Lantern story, by Echopapa (Part 4): Daria and Trent’s conversation was interrupted by the form of the bartender flying across the room and landing in a heap against the far wall.
• Left for Dead, by TAG (COMPLETE!): The blonde girl in the bomber jacket tuned the old Gibson at the microphone before the lights came up, half listening to the cat calls from the audience as she waited for the rest of the band to signal readiness....
• Reusably Complex, by Ajar (Part 4): "Mr. Edwards?" "Call me Ken." "How did you get to sub here again? I mean last time my Mom threatened to sue the school for endangering the students."
• Scarlett the Fairy Goes on a Picnic, by Aloysius (COMPLETE!): On one fine summer day, Scarlett the Fairy flew over Lawndale City Park and basically enjoyed herself. Families were out and about; children played, pets scampered and even imaginary creatures were having fun here.
• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part III), by jtranser (continued): "Each and every one of you has an unspoken desire to become a woman who emphasizes a life of passion expressed through her personal style," said Sandi Griffin. "Each one of you wishes to cultivate all life’s pleasures and have a fulfilling career. And you have failed. Every time. Only one person can help you achieve all that. And that person is me."
  
• Two Halves, by Dark Kuno (Part 4): “Hola amigos,” mumbled Jane around a large oatmeal raisin cookie as she approached the twins table. “Hola Juanita. ¿Cómo están esta noche?” returned Daria flatly. “¿Qué haces, chica?” prompted Alex. [FF.net]
  

Who's Who in the Dariaverse Today

We start with an alter ego of Tiffany Blum-Deckler as Lina Wertmüller, a famed Italian film director I had never heard of until a year and a half ago when I looked her up because I wanted to publish this image on the blog. I still have not seen any of Ms. Wertmüller's movies. Ms. Wertmüller was born on this day 83 years ago. I cannot find the original image from which this one was drawn, but perhaps there wasn't one. Still an excellent outfit for the Tiff.

Also born today: Gary Larson, beloved cartoonist (The Far Side) and Old West gunfighter Doc Holliday, who appeared in a Daria fanfic. My favorite Far Side panel was (of course) "Roger Screws Up."

Moar l8r. Back again.

UU and I are working on the Backgrounders website again. You are invited to look in and see which characters are in the process of getting makeovers.

Silver has collected the continuing M4 story series into one thread on PPMB.

PPMB

• Stacy Rowe, Seeker (Part II), by jtranser (continued): Under normal circumstances, her dates back on Earth had their brains fried by orgasmic recoil from her biocongruency with the ship. It was nice to know that her date wasn't just like most guys.

Yo, Mom! It's Your Day!

No one has yet written a great Mothers Day story making use of the alter ego at left. Alas.

Happy Mothers Day to one and all. More news to come, have to do Mothers Day stuff here, hope you understand. Remember Helen Morgendorffer's great moment as a mom? What a gal.

What was your favorite Daria fanfic about motherhood? Name the best in Comments and share with everyone.

A possible route for Daria releases? Maybe, maybe not.

One next-to-last wee bit of Irishness

Had to get Tiffany's leprechaun picture in here somewhere. What would she say about this outfit? What would Daria say? What about Upchuck?

Just had a thought: wouldn't it be great if this was the love-child of Daria and Saint Patrick's Day?

Moar soon. Assuming this blog isn't deleted, which Google has threatened to do. Whatever. That would be the perfect thing for this day, wouldn't it?

NEWS: Lawndale Online reports a problem with fanfiction submissions is being worked on. Only shorter stories can be posted until then. Stay tuned.

I Admit Defeat

Here we go. I love trying to identify the alter egos MTV stuck at the end of Daria, but in many cases it is just too much. Here are two that escaped ID.

At left is Tiffany, her hair in dreadlocks, with an outfit that makes me think of 1930s cartoons. I cannot find anything like her anywhere.

At right is Jake with a grotesque haircut and a USA shirt, untied shoes, and knee pants. And his tongue out.

Who the heck are they supposed to be? Someone out there has to know.

Let's hear it.

Oh, and the latest DariaWiki entry: The Winged Tree Country Club, thanks to Richard Lobinske.

More Mulling, This Time on Words

Tiffany will continue the circus meme while other things are discussed.

Being a former editor, I love words. One came up as I was revamping the Daria Directory at left: supersite. The given definition seems too narrow, but others seem too broad. We expect a lot from our supersites (Outpost Daria, Glitter Berries, Lawndale Online, etc.). How would you define an Internet "supersite" in the context of our own little fandom?

Another word that could be applied to supersites in our fandom is vortal, or vertical portal. In our fandom we don't make any profit from our websites, since we don't own the core content (I sure don't make any money, but if I did it would ruin my hobby), but webmasters still "target a niche market of consumers" in exchange for a little fame and, dare I say it, popularity. This is also called niche blogging.

Alas, those who get too much into creating these websites risk being seen as having issues, but that does not stop anyone from trying.

Any thoughts on this of your own?

"Does this skull makeup make me look fat?"

Sometimes you just don't know why the Daria artists created the alter egos they did. Here's Tiffany in costume for the Day of the Dead, which is big in Mexico today and tomorrow. This kid must be quite a party animal (not!) at Holiday Island High.

Today is also World Vegan Day, celebrating and honoring our interstellar friends from Vega, and also Samhain and also All Saints. Go for it.

And today marks the start of National Novel Writing Month. Those of you who are illiterably inclined may start writing at once. And make sure it's a Daria novel this time.

And now some updates from the last couple days. In the field of visual treats and tricks, we have: Morgan V Morgendorffer, by Psychotol; Trick or Treat! by Breitasparrow; and a collection of pictures from Wouter showing his versions of certain scenes taken directly from Daria episodes. All are worthy of admiration. "Trick or Treat!" does win the Cuteness Cubed award, however.

PPMB

• Blood, Sweat, and Cheers, by Kristen Bealer (COMPLETE!): Everything go boom, big time. Massive feedback going on to story as well.
• Daylight: When the Ball Dropped, by Disco316 (Part 12): The survivors make plans to survive an unappealing future.
• A Trick or Treat II, by Legendeld (COMPLETE!): Already mentioned. This dude is a writing machine!
  

An Aside to the Fashion Watchers

I did notice in "Just Add Water" that Tiffany wears the best-looking outfit she was ever drawn with: a nice black evening gown with a Chinese look. The hair, the outfit, very nice. Beats the hell out of everything all other other Fashion Clubbers wore at any time during the show.

Do you disagree? Tough. Black is back.

More soon. Sorta busy at home right now. Talk amongst yourselves.

Oh, right: Richard Lobinske updated the 2008 Fan Art Listing! (PPMB, SFMB). And DJPotatoe presents a fanwork of Quinn that, well, let's just say that now I know why the Three Js were after her all the time. Well done!

And Ms. Kinnikufan's Iron Chef: Pet the Dog, is drawing some, um, uh, unusual, um, responses. Not unusual for this fandom, true, but in a greater and more worldly sense, yes, unusual.

FF.net

• The Young Switcheroo, by Smileyfax (Part 6): Aside from a sentence in which both characters are called "Jane" (oops!), continues to be awesome to the win power. Go, go, go!
  

"Does this sheep under my dress make me look fat?"

Yes, only a mere 178 years ago today, that immortal epic "Mary Had a Little Lamb" was first published, revolutionizing English literature and winning the Nobel Prize for its insightful political commentary. And I don't want anyone to give me a hard time because Tiffany is dressed like Little Bo Peep and not Mary of the Lambs. This is my blog, I can do anything I want. Just back off.

Still working on that !$%#$%% third chapter. More updates to come this weekend between periods of yard work. Hope everyone is having a great vacation so far.

LATE ADD: The third chapter is done, but both PPMB and SFMB are down. Damn it, damn it, damn it! Oh, well, more later. I knew there was a reason I stopped writing fanfic.

"I've Got Me, Babe . . ."

This shocking image of Tiffany Blum-Deckler dressed as Cher graphically and horrifically illustrates that this is the most terrifying day in world history: Cher's 62nd Birthday. Yes, the sun has literally gone out all across America, and many believe the Day of Judgment is at hand. Alas, it is not. You need only glance at the image at right to feel bone-chilling fear that millions are experiencing in this nightmarish time. Or whatever.

Nothing else going on. More in a moment or two. Or three.

Flagged

One hundred ninety years ago today, Congress finally decided what the American flag should look like (red and white stripes, stars added with new states, etc.). This is sort of typical when you think of it, that it took only FORTY-TWO YEARS for Congress to figure out the flag thing after 1776. Tiffany recreates the Betsy Ross legend in the alter ego at left, and that seems appropriate, doesn't it? ("You... made... me... lose... my... place. Now... I... have... to... start... over.")

Today is also National Walk-to-Work Day, but it's a little late in the day to celebrate that.

I am thinking about restarting the interview-a-fanfic-author thing on my own, though filling the shoes of E. A. Smith will be a tall order. I don't think I'm very interesting, but other people are, and we'll see how this goes. More later after I think this over. I would like to include artists, essayists, website operators, and so forth as well as authors, taking questions sent in by fans on PPMB and SFMB. Comments and criticism of this idea are all too welcome; I could use all the advice I can get. More soon, with updates on fanfics and fan art this weekend, and more on Mystik Spiral for UU.

Saint Patrick's Day, Sort Of

Since today is sort of Saint Patrick's Day but sort of not, here is Tiffany, who is dressed like a leprechaun but is not, so far as we know. Bet you thought I was going to use the guy from Holiday Island, ha ha.

Stories featuring things related to Saint Patrick's Day almost always have the Holiday Island guy (e.g., "Restrain Jane Lane! or Stupid Cupid," by Nemo Blank; "Everything Happens For a Reason," by Mahna Mahna; "Holiday Kombat," by Richard Lobinske; "A Curse of Bad Timing," by SoulfulZen). One in a while they feature a leprechaun in a commercial in a scriptfic (e.g., "Snow Darn!" by Patrick Moore). Other than talking about Irish coffee, Irish setters, Irish brogues, Irish jogs, or Irish red beer, not much else comes up. No traditional leprechauns, certainly. No visits to Ireland that I know of. Hmmm.

Wonder what would happen if Saint Patty's Day came back to Lawndale to fulfill his promise to Daria in "Depth Takes a Holiday": "And if there's ever anything I can do for you—when you've reached the legal drinking age, that is—let me know." That'd be interesting. Especially if they got drunk together and . . . mmm, let's skip that part. And the kid.

Fun to think about, though.

It's Only a Paper Moon

Messing with the mind can be so dangerous.
—Tiffany Blum-Deckler, “Quinn the Brain”


This alter ego from the MTV website catches my interest each time I see it. In the early part of the last century, carnivals and fairs used to have photo booths set up in which people could have their pictures taken while seated on a large crescent moon prop, as Tiffany is doing here. I have the feeling that her costume and telescope were meant to be one of those in-joke references to a long-forgotten theater production, but I have no idea which. It doesn't seem to be related to the 1973 movie called Paper Moon. In any event, this is one of Tiffany's cuter shots.

Someone (I'm pretty sure it was Cincgreen) once said that fanfic authors sometimes gift Tiffany Blum-Deckler with fantastic powers in their stories because they cannot make her interesting in any other way. She is a hard nut to crack. You can take her just as she is for a comedy story, but if you are attempting something serious, you've got your work cut out for you making her believable and realistic. Whatever explanation must be cooked up to account for her obtuseness, narcissism, and superficiality must border on science-fiction territory. An excellent recent story, "Reclamation" by Roentgen/Cincgreen, portrays Tiffany as the victim of a high-tech brainwashing. Once as smart and cynical as Daria, she can barely put two thoughts together until Daria stirs up her mental mix. In my own fics, Tiffany has been a robot, a closet superhero, a reality manipulator (per The Matrix), and I forget what else. Authors have cast her as a pothead or pill-popper to explain her slow speech, which she didn't have early in the series. She's been portrayed as mentally unbalanced or even as faking stupidity for her own reasons, being extremely devious underneath her clueless facade.

The well of possibilities for Tiffany has not run dry. That alter ego of her from Is It College Yet? in which she is a professional psychic with her own hot line (see here) sparked an idea for a story about her talent with tarot cards, something the rest of the Fashion Club wasn't entirely aware of. I had part of a Halloween story written with this in mind ("With a Wicked Pack of Cards," from a line by T.S. Eliot), but it faded out on me. Too much research into reading tarot was required. If anyone wants the idea, it is yours for the taking. The title can be used, too, if you want it.

The paper moon idea still nags at me, though. There was a 1933 song called "It's Only a Paper Moon," from which the movie got its name. The lyrics are very interesting in a fanfic-inspiring sense, almost eerie in a reality-twisting way. See what you think. Maybe someone will have more luck with this idea than I did. Party on.

The Dark Side of Dr. Shar

"You know, maybe I should get boobs."
—Quinn Morgendorffer, "Too Cute"


Several years ago in graduate school, I was required to write reports on various topics having to do with health psychology, which was one of my classes. During my studies I discovered a startling article that had found a correlation between women who get breast implants and suicide. In other words, the study found that women who got cosmetic breast implants were more likely to kill themselves than women who didn't get implants. This disturbing connection has been confirmed in numerous other studies. A few articles on this problem are given here: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Current thinking is that a significant number of women seeking cosmetic surgery probably have some form of mental illness that, left undiagnosed and untreated, results in greater self-destructive behavior. Indeed, some breast-implant studies show higher levels of drug and alcohol abuse among women seeking cosmetic surgery. Cancer rates appear to be unaffected, except for an odd increase in lung cancer in one study that has been interpreted to show a higher probability of smoking among women seeking cosmetic breast surgery. Auto accident rates seem higher, too—possible suicides?

One illness often cited as a possible cause of suicide, when combined with plastic surgery, is body dysmorphic disorder, a condition in which a person believes he or she is ugly or physically flawed, though little or no actual evidence to support this claim exists. Most teenagers, like Quinn, worry about their looks, but some take this to extremes. This reminds me of a certain Daria character (hint: "Does this dress make me look fat?").

I think you see where the Angst Train is heading. More shortly.