Teen Angel Angst

Brittany's crystal bullhorn explodes into a thousand shards, miraculously without injuring Brittany, in the climax of "Groped by an Angel." That episode premiered nine years ago today. Maybe Brittany had a guardian angel of her own. For more on the episode, click here.

If you are for some reason curious about what was being said in this blog a year ago, click here and enjoy.

More soon. Okay, it's soon now.

Because the text tends to overlap left-mounted images using this blog format, I am adding all new fanfiction from today to the blog post from yesterday. Yes, I know this smacks of treason, but it just looks so much nicer and neater that way. Plus it forces readers to see all the goodness that popped out the day before. It's for your own good, trust me.

Okay, forget that reason because I'm going to use bullet points anyway. Let's take a look at what "Groped by an Angel" gave us to play with in the field of fanfiction topics and general discussion.

• The man who rescued Donna that snowy Christmas Eve, the one who was no ordinary roadside mechanic. What was up with this? Of course it was a regular guy, but... what if it wasn't? Think of something in the category of mechanically inclined aliens, supervillains, etc.
  
• "Angels are everywhere. They can hear you." If Quinn was correct, how could the Daria series be reinterpreted with angelic interference?
• "Some people just won't listen to logic." One of the best Quinn quotes ever. Makes you wonder what she would be like if she became highly religious in an AU or as a high-school senior. The new Sarah Palin?
• Trent and "subzero": Since when was Trent this smart? Is Max really this stupid? Speaking of Max, we need more bald-headed whiny poser Max fanfiction in which he gets killed.
• Undead deadbeat dads: anyone we know in particular? Must be a way to work this into a fanfic.
• Brian Taylor and his father: Well, now we know why the original Mrs. Taylor ran away after his birth. Brian's father clearly doesn't like him and just as clearly spoils Brittany. Given the uncomfortable similarities between Brittany and her stepmother... no, let's don't go there. That's been done to death at SFMB.
• Ball game: So, there's a baseball stadium near Lawndale? Baltimore Orioles? Philadelphia?
• "You know, I wanted a cat when I was little, but my father never let me have one. 'Dogs are for boys. Cats are for girls.' Well, you know what, Dad? I didn't want a dog, okay?" Did Jake have a dog as a kid? Why hasn't Jake gotten a cat (or cats) for the family? Would life be any different if he had, and the cat enslaved them all forever? It's happened in other fanfics, why not in near-canon?
  
• Quinn: "I think I'm very spiritual." Helen: "Yes, you take after your mother in that." Say what? How does this work? Why does Helen think she's spiritual? Because she can see spirit animals when she's on drugs, like in "The Teachings of Don Jake"?
  
• Fourteen-hour days: If Helen's really gone this long during the week, no wonder Daria doesn't think much of her.
• What if Quinn had been struck on the head by the light fixture? Mild concussion, scalp lacerations, brain injury, angst. Why hasn't anyone done the appropriate AU for this?
• Quinn talks to her guardian angel? Out loud? What if he answers back? Will she date him?
• The Trix Rabbit's secret trysts with Daria have already been discussed.
• Jamie has a creepy old aunt who smells. Maybe his parents should die so that he leaves Lawndale.
• Wonder if Sandi did have a guardian angel, and he did tell her to try the raspberry vinaigrette dressing because he wanted to make her sick. Maybe he's not a guardian angel but another kid using ventriloquism. Maybe the salad dressing in another AU causes all three of them to die or at least go into comas. That would be awesome. I mean, that would be so sad.
• Party Planet. Must remember to use that store and the salesman in a fanfic.
• Quinn asks for money, and both she and Daria get $50? This family is whacked.
• Trent really does know algebra. Damn.
• Daria: "I mean, watch the bloodshed on the evening news, and then tell me there are guardian angels." Why doesn't Quinn see what Daria sees? Selective intellectual blindness? Why doesn't Daria want to help Quinn see life more realistically? Is Quinn's happiness more important that Quinn's grasp on reality? Oddly, this issue does reflect some current psychological thinking, that optimists do not see reality as clearly as pessimists. Optimists believe they always have a chance even when they pretty clearly don't, but that perseverance sometimes saves that day. This episode, for all its problems, highlights an important distinction between Daria and Quinn, one that should be explored in more fanfiction. What if Daria came to think Quinn might be right, that there were angels?
  
• Wonder what would happen if the stupid Three Js did beat up Mr. O'Neill. I can dream, can't I?
• Mr. Taylor "borrows" from Brian's college fund to get presents for Brittany. This just looks so wrong. Plus, Brian will have a good reason to become a serial killer later in life, like next year.
• Daria: "I think what makes sense is to believe whatever makes you feel best." That just seems like such a nice thing to say, and so unlike Daria. What if Daria had said something else, like about there being no angels because they would have helped save people but obviously haven't, so Quinn becomes more depressed and realistic and thoughtful, instead of stupid. What if Quinn saw that Daria had a point? Would she take more responsibility for her actions instead of leaving it to a guardian angel to bail her out of situations?
• Quinn goes on a cyberdate. There's a whole story there waiting to be told.
• Jane doesn't like Quinn very much, but we already knew that. And Daria pretends not to like Quinn to Jane. Weird. Does Jane know it's all a front? She should, after "Monster."
  
• Jane: "How is it that [Ashely-Amber] looks and acts exactly the same age as her own stepdaughter?" Man, this is freaking me out. Maybe SFMB was right.

Your thoughts, please?